Infrequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to forget why I walked into a room and then question my whole existence?
No. What are you, some kind of freak?
If we fell in love at IKEA, would we get a discount?
Love is free. The Malm dresser is not.
Why do I crave chaos at 2am?
Because that’s when the universe’s customer service line is open, and baby you are calling in with some complaints.
What happens if I say “no worries” but I’m full of worries?
If I wear tinfoil on my head and my feet, am I double protected?
Small price to pay for security.
What is hummous? For REAL though?
A delicious, delicious cover-up. Wake up sheeple. Stay frosty.
Can I use your sweatshirts as a tent in an emergency?
Yes if you are under 2 feet tall and/or exceptionally flexible.
If I wear your clothes while paying bills, will I be less sad?
No. However you will look super good and fun and funny while you're crying.
Are your shirts whispering compliments to me, or is that just my massive self-confidence boost now that I look soooo so so so good wearing them?
It's both.
The shirts are laced with LSD
Can I wear this to my job interview AND my existential crisis?
No one says "please hire me I'm definitely not in a downward spiral" better than us
I'm having trouble unlocking the secret level.
Up up down down left right left right shake ya ass watch yourself
Can I use your sweatshirts as a parachute in an emergency??? Urgent answer required urgent urgent urgent pls respond
Yeeeeah. Nooooo. Yeeeeeeaaah. Yeeeeaaahnoooooooo. Noooooyeeeeahhhhnoooooooo.
What’s the return policy if I get emotionally attached?
You cry in it you keep it.
Um, is this some kind of cult?
Only in the sense that we have very strong opinions and absolutely no exit strategy.
Are you qualified to be doing this?
Absolutely not. Next question
Why is there only one inevitable, unavoidable result of me saying "I'll just take a really quick nap" and why do I forget that every single goddamn time
see you in three hours chief
If I blink slowly at my laptop, does it understand I'm tired too?
It knows. It actually blinks back at you. to show- wait no god no it's crashing wait-